Back to Me

Remember how skinny I was? Look at those skinny jeans! Mwah!

It has been 18 months since I stepped foot in a gym.

Wait, that's not true, there was one Saturday afternoon in my gazillionth month of pregnancy when I went to the gym with Eugene and sat in the café filling out thank you cards for shower gifts while he worked out. But I don't think that really counts.

I had to give up going when I was 22 weeks pregnant. Couldn't even swim anymore. Not that I wanted to - the hardbodies at Chelsea Piers were daunting enough when I was in the best shape of my life. When I was feeling like a whale - albeit a grateful, happy whale - the last thing I felt like doing was wallowing around in their pool.

After the boys were born, I put off the gym membership so that I could breastfeed. I figured it was hard enough consuming enough calories and water to make enough milk for twins. There was no way I could add even more food, in order to hang out on an elliptical trainer.

Plus, when you spend an hour a day pumping at work, going to the gym at lunch seems kind of irresponsible.

Now I am done with the breast feeding, I am no longer tethered to the Pump n' Style (a misnomer if ever there was one) day and night. So I am going back to the gym.

I have a temporary guest pass at one of the swank places near my office. I plan to go tomorrow. Theoretically, I can go at lunch for 45 minutes. If I go three times a week, I won't feel like I am irresponsibly blowing cash!

I'm actually really excited about this. I have a giant box full of pants that I would like to work my way back into. Joseph pants should not be wasted. Should not go unworn. I'm sure that in the Fashion Bible, that is one of the commandments: 'Thou Shalt Not Not Wear Awesome Trousers'

I'm not far from my goals. I've lost all of the 'baby weight.' But I've also lost muscle tone. Hefting around 20+ lb babies has, sadly, not given me Madonna-like arms. Also, carrying twins to 39 weeks can work some pretty crazy wonders on your abs.

I love the boys and I love Eugene, but this is something that I get to do just for me and - besides the added benefits of the clothes I would like to wear again - that gives it value.

Maybe it's also emerging from the haze of the first year of the boys life. That I am able to look around and choose things for myself that don't feel like I am taking something from them.

If that makes any sense.

Or maybe it's just all the regular sleep I am getting, but I feel like I am finding more of a place to get back to myself and be Mommy at the same time.

And the gym is just the beginning.