Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Waxing Poetic


I could say all sorts of things about the benefits of marriage but since I am about to embark on a ten day travel ADVENTURE with my in-laws, I think I will refrain until my return.

If I make it back, that is.

And if my marriage survives the trip.

Or, rather, if my husband survives the trip.

Right now I am CRAZY. BUSY.

And yesterday was a CRAZY. MONDAY.

It started with me realizing that I had left my wallet in our apartment. With my keys. Right after our self-locking door had shut. So I had to hike to Euge's office to get his spare keys. Then I had to go back to our apartment to get my keys and wallet. THEN high-tail it to a press check.

Then, at lunch, I went on yet another fruitless shopping trek to attempt to find a sundress that doesn't make me look like a completely drumstick-armed-pot-bellied-cow. Needless to say, I left Saks with significantly less self-esteem than I entered it with.

At least I wasn't looking for a bathingsuit.

When I got back to my office, I was blissfully walking the halls when one of my co-workers pulled me aside to inform me that I had neglected to zip up the back of my skirt.

Oh well, at least I had a charming white lace thong on. that must have given some people something to think about, hmmm?

Then after work (and a fortifying cocktail) I had to go for the dreaded waxing.

You see, when I am in my bikini on this cruise, I want to blind everyone with my voluptuous whiteness and I wouldn't want any stubble detracting from this. I even had my underarms waxed.

Can we say 'ouch' all together now?

The woman who was ministering to my bikini line was a bit distracted, but she said she was nepalese. So maybe she was meditating on the state of my thighs.

Any hoo, then I went home and tried on some of the dresses I already own. Then I wept my bitter tears silently (hi fellow-Pam-writing-workshop-people!)

At 2 am I realized that I had gotten some food poisoning from the Thai food I picked up for dinner and spent the rest of the night waking up every two hours to see if I could throw up yet.

The end.

BUT - at least I am not the lady I saw trip and fall down in the middle of the street in Herald Square today. She was dressed all in white and skinned her knee. You could hear the collective gasps of five grillion tourists as she tripped.

That would have been awful.

4 comments:

Heather said...

OMG! I am really sorry. But this was so funny!

How how HOW did you leave your apartment without your wallet AND your keys? What exactly DID you have with you?

Good thing you don't live alone.

Otherwise you would have to talk your seven cats through how exactly they could unlock the dorr from the inside for you.

Allison said...

Um, my keys are attached to my wallet. dumb, right?

I could never have seven cats - I would die of the allergies! I would have seven guinea pigs. They would be named Lucy, Papi, Moon-pie, Peaches, Nibbler, Punkin' and Madge (in honor of Madonna).

Dang, it's hard to think of names for seven guinea pigs. Good thing I don't really have that problem.

Heather said...

Oh, those are such good names. I also like random names for small rodents. Like how one of my mice is called "Little Citizen". One is called Roquefort, for obvious reasons. Some day I will introduce you.

Kristin said...

I heard on world cup radio news that Ecuadoreans eat guinea pig. They are small but their meat (what of it there is) is tasty.

Hmm.