Something for the Non-Johnnies

She looks kind of british in this get-up, doesn't she?

So, while you are off tripping the light fantastic in the UK with precocious four-year-olds and their charming mothers, I have been diligently staying home and resting up in anticipation of your return.

To entertain myself, I turn once more to the boob tube and its endless supply of nonsensical wonders. One of the most daffy, of late, has been Top Design.

Now, I do not love this show. No, I do not love it.

It is not nearly as satisfyingly bitchy as Project Runway or as succulently histrionic as Top Chef. And, quite frankly, the way the show is shot it seems almost impossible to judge for yourself whether one person’s design was more successful than another’s.

And poor Todd Oldham and his maxillofacially challenged self is a bit of a piss-poor host. Though he does seem to be getting better.

And oranger.

Do you think my skin looks orange? Cuz I could kick your ass right off this show! Right now!

I think the more he looks like an Oompa-Loompa, the better his hosting skills get.

However, there are two things that keep me coming back for more each week:

1) Hearing Jonathan Adler say “See ya later, Decorator!” That cracks me UP!

2) Kelly Wearstler and her increasingly insane hair and outfits.

She is one of these women who is so pretty that you imagine she dresses to spite her good looks rather than enhance them.

I am so hot, that you will know I am hot even if I dress like the love child of Bette Davis and a Klingon.

She started out normal enough at the beginning of the season. A little strange, but perfectly in keeping with her status as an expensive and tasteful but edgy interior decorator.

Spring-like striped dress over winter long-johns notwithstanding, at least her hair is under control.

And she has made certain quotes in the past that indicate that she has some sartorial standards:

"In my office, if something looks like shit I want somebody to tell me."

Personal style: "If you show up in a fashion disaster, people will think twice about hiring you."

I cannot tell you how much it cracks me up that she said these things.

I love this outfit! And my hair! Don't you love it? Isn't it GREAT!

She’s a kook and her addled guises are getting better by the week. Maybe next week she’ll rock some fingerless gloves! Or a ponytail on the side of her head! Or white cowboy boots! Or corn rows! Or a leotard over tights! Or a bustle!

Oh wait, she already did that.

These are conceptual ruffles, people!

In all truth, I think she is darling and she really is the reason I tune in each week. We all need a bit more Wearstler in our wardrobes. Let her get all krunky with her wardrobe, I will lap it up!

I also love the fact that she was a Playboy centerfold. Classy and trashy!