Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Bitter, Part 2

It's been a bad week for coffee here.


Here at SSP, we try to please out readers. So when Dave wrote a comment on last night's post, which read "I was hoping so very much for some type of comment on the Starbucks shut-down. *sigh* I guess I'll have to have a conversation about it with myself, " well, I knew I must respond.

Turns out I have something to say on the topic. Here it is:

Oh Starbucks. It's just too late. If SBUX were a favorite TV show, we would say they jumped the shark. If you were a lover, SBUX, we would make you a mix CD with songs like "Too Late To Apologize" and other bad pop songs that express our displeasure. You, SBUX, you would listen to it in your car, and it would make you drive too fast, and pound the steering wheel with your fist. You would abandon the delicate seductions of China, the callous enticements that France has laid before you, and promise to never stray again.

We would not be fooled. We would not be taken in again. We knew the Pike Place shop when the counter held big glass jars of bittersweet chocolate and you went there to buy real beans, the best beans. We knew you, SBUX, when you bought Torrefazione, and promised to stay true, promised not to change a thing. We knew you even after the coffee went bad, we forgave you when there was nothing left between us but two-for-one splits, and double digit growth. We forgave you. For the good times.

But Starbucks, you broke our hearts. Just like Citysearch, and Kozmo.com and Immunex and the Supersonics. Now it's too late to apologize. Tell em, Timbaland...

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down

But wait...You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

Woahooo woah

Word.

1 comment:

Dave said...

I'm glad to see the crew at SSP is all about pleasing its customers. Even those of us who live thousands of miles away and have a closet attraction to bubble-gum pop. ;-)

I can't say I knew SBUX when...or even really now. I haven't been able to bring myself to regularly consume the bitter drink. Although...seeing as I have my own personal barista on staff at home...perhaps...I should give coffee another try. Anyway...I'll leave you with these words.

This bitter drink
Has made you drunk
The thoughts you think
Become unthunk
The sea’s ablaze
The sky is too
The water’s red
And the flames are blue

Does the man who makes the shoes own you, clown?
You can’t even pry the nameplate off, now can you?
Fix it with your tiny fist there
James Van Der Beek and them sisters from Sister, Sister
The only one that’s ever felt this is you
The force that’s forcing you
To feel like busting up a Starbucks.