What I Always Take

:: this shawl :: at least one bikini :: eye mask for sleeping :: charm bracelet :: more dresses than there are days :: jeans :: something to knit :: multiple cameras :: magazines :: dried mango :: almonds :: black cardie ::

this time, South Dakota

next week, Colorado

Something You Didn't Mean To Wear As a Shirt

It was altogether too hot in there. It was too crowded to make it back to where the water was, so the water jugs didn't help us play it cool. And last night, the bands were too good for it, every single one. It was really too hot to wear two flannels on stage, so the musicians could not possibly play it cool. And the beards didn't play it cool, and the ponytails may have kept a little heat off our necks, but they still swayed and felt happy and showed off our exuberance and therefore could not be said to play it cool. The new merch included the golden Zooch, so the merchandise didn't either, and the film crew never even seemed tempted to. It was their night off, after all.

The tallboys in their Tractor 15-year anniversary koozies did not play it cool for long. The dj told us about getting married on that very stage and the photographers smiled behind their cameras, and when the bands came on, they nodded their heads behind those cameras too. The guitars never play it cool, especially when there are four of them on stage at once, and this time the mandolin didn't either, and of course drums rarely do, and last night the drums in questions were Ryan's, gold and sparkly, and loud and good, messy in the best way, like Ryan's hair and Ryan's hair may try to play it cool, but the drums weren't going to. The horns didn't play it cool, neither did the girls with the flowers in their hair or the moms or the area backstage which was even more crowded all than front of stage, and the Tractor was sold out, so it was crowded everywhere, including the area next to the stage just behind the little plastic chain that served as a field sobriety test, which all the Malgals passed...

even though they were not at all, contrary to what this photo might suggest, playing it cool.

What I Did Today To Amuse Myself

:: latte for the commute ::

:: dropped off two rolls of 120 ::

:: phone call with Kristin ::

:: trip to the library ::

:: long walk ::

:: DH Lawrence on CD ::

:: bought plums ::

:: watched Bouboule ::

:: ate cucumber sandwiches ::

:: texted Lindsey ::

:: GG reruns ::

:: cracked up at the twins slap-fest ::

coulda been worse

Some Perfectly Good Reasons Why You Might Not Call Me

You...

A. are in Idaho hunting mushrooms

B. are in the Boeing overstock warehouse climbing a pile of desks

C. heard that Mercury was in retrograde until the 30th, causing communication to be subject to mishap and misunderstanding and don't want to risk it

E. just grabbed the Hubble Space Telescope and are preparing for some tough repairs

F. are hiding under a blanket with a bucket of chicken, crying and watching Steel Magnolias

G. were eaten by sunflowers

H. are stuck in line at the new penguin exhibit at Woodland Park Zoo

I. got your fingers stuck in the fax machine

J. are not allowed contact with the outside world until after the final episode airs

K. are on tour in Spain with Wilco

L. are engaged in a bitter fight to the death with the DOR

M. have to defend the fax machine at a conference of scanner manufacturers

N. have top secret FOE business to attend to

O. got two tickets to paradise

P. are running with the devil

Q. slept in! All day!

R. went coo-coo for cocoa puffs

S. are busy buying the world a coke

T. are in Chicago taping the Dr Phil show about girls who talk too long to other guys at the bar

U. have a lot more Scientific Americans to read before you are caught up

V. are racing for the cure

W. have resigned due to the Miss California controversy

X. are just wishing the work would do itself

Y. got your heel stuck in a crack in the sidewalk and can't get it loose without help

Z. just don't really feel like talking to me

What I've Got

Versions of things. Things in process. A messy car. Food in the fridge, finally. Vegetables. Ice cream. Overdue library materials. A lot of black cardigans. Extra furniture. Books to read. Unusually good girlfriends. A jump start on Mother's Day.

Still have a box of goodies to send to the boys, way way after their birthday. A date with dad for HIS birthday. Four hours of meetings tomorrow. A desire to curl up on the couch under a comforter with a movie I've already seen. One where the female lead is wearing a lot of delicious outfits and the male lead is wry and clever. I'll take a big bowl of buttered popcorn with that. Thanks.

Metaphors We Live By - Five Senses

Metaphors We Live By is a book Jane Hirshfield mentioned at her reading tonight. She was talking about the senses, and how everything we know is through our senses, and all the metaphor that comes about as a result. It was a perfect little thing, just the kind of serendipity I like, because I had been thinking about what to do for my Five Senses Friday post. Mostly you and I live in a pretty isolated outpost of the internet, Ali, but sometimes I get sucked into the world of a blog I like - Abbey's is one example.

:: Sound ::

Jane Hirshfield last night at Seattle Arts & Lectures

her soft, precise voice, lingering over what is both difficult and sweet

:: Smell ::

powdery citrus in my car, left over from the bath fizz I brought as a present for Kate

:: Sight ::

sunshine all week long

the bright bright moon

words on page

this book

this book

this one

:: Touch ::

elbow-length cashmere gloves

the feel of a scarf on my neck, in the cold

:: Taste ::

my everyday latte

the last macaron of the week

Antidotes

red things ::: Beast of Burden followed by Piece of My Heart ::: cooking ::: Chris Hadley ::: someone else cleaning my place ::: clothes for KH ::: not talking ::: spreadsheets ::: next weekend ::: Tami ::: white pajamas ::: a ponytail ::: green shoes ::: Elvis telling me he thinks of me as so cheerful ::: rhubarb pie ::: elbow-length cashmere gloves ::: Wren, Ella & Wyatt ::: hot water ::: Yiyun Li's story, A Thousand Years of Good Prayers ::: being picked up at the airport by someone you love ::: mail from the twins ::: the name Ryan ::: Katherine's chicken soup day two

Just Some Of The Things You're Gonna Think It's About, If You're Me

playing the radio loud in the car :: making things :: talking to strangers :: sitting on the couch listening to music :: taking pictures :: appreciating good food made by someone else :: giving things away :: outfits that don't suck :: taking the waiter's advice :: learning :: long drives :: being there in a pinch :: pranks :: jokes over text :: the kind of conversations that make you want to sit closer :: christmas lights :: giving advice :: listening to the truth about yourself :: sitting at the bar :: field trips :: showing up :: taking a walk with no destination :: going somewhere new :: trust ::

Things I Love - part who knows what

171. My new old Polaroid

172. The fact that when I'm sick, friends come out of the woodwork to help me out

173. Driving Lake Washington Boulevard

174. New winter coats

175. Girls' getaways

176. Pranks

177. The idea of using a film camera

178. Getting to go to this place with Kristin

179. Katherine's chicken soup (believe me, I don't need to have tasted it to know I love it)

180. Moleskine's city books

181. My new couch

182. Having even just one sentence for a new story

183. The future

184. Giving Kate bath bombs

185. Reading the New Yorker on airplanes

186. When people love something I knitted for them

187. Earrings my mom gave me

188. Watching GG with Ali

189. The movie Stranger Than Fiction

My Heart Is My Strongest Muscle

Six-word memoir by Shanna Katz. Four lady brunch by South Shore Middle School.

Long day.

9:30 AM - meeting

10:00 AM -meeting

12:30 PM - meeting

3:00 PM - meeting

4:00 PM - meeting

6:00 PM - meeting

7:00 PM - meeting

Latte, cornbread, sandwich with lox cucumber cream cheese, banana, salad, chocolate cookies from Edison's bakery, more salad, cocoa, tea. The Cold Ones, the beach at LaPush, unvested options, new target identification, integrity, intention, lost love, reconciliation, fulfillment, motivation, hope, Groucho's, Jafco, more tea, always. So much more.

Speak to me.

Plan For the Day

The couch. Crumpets soaked in butter and cinnamon sugar and cheese. Hot tea, knitting. Critic's choice awards in between bouts of William Faulkner's Light In August and writing group manuscripts (yes, late as always!).

100 Things I Love In The World

If I were including people on this list, it would be quick work. Start with Jessica, work back in time from there. We probably wouldn't make it back to 1989 before the list filled up. But this isn't the people list, this is the things list. Inspired by this, cause sometimes it's just good to remind yourself how good it all is.

1. the Space Needle
2. frites
3. yarn
4. tiny notebooks
5. Polaroids
6. running
7. the view from my apartment
8. pajamas
9. my white heart sunglasses from Jessica
10. stationary
11. salmon sashimi
12. Susan's mix CDs
13. Richard Hugo House
14. science
15. red toenail polish
16. the ring Jenn made and gave me

17. lattes
18. zebra print
19. flokati rugs
20. the bar at Vermillion Gallery
21. my Chris Crites painting
22. fountain pens
23. hula hoops
24. hand-shaven noodles

25. mint juleps
26. Tocca soap
27. texting
28. black cashmere sweaters
29. ferris wheels
30. walking
31. One Story
32. Sigerson Morrison shoes
33. my car, Mo
34. plain beeswax candles
35. peonies
36. popcorn with lots of butter
37. my soft-boiled egg timer
38. reading the New Yorker on airplanes
39. bracelets
40. Lillet Blanc
41. handknit shawls
42. short stories
43. little black dresses
44. toast
45. smell of cut grass
46. Sambar Michael's variation on the hot toddy
47. my Led Zeppelin photo
48. roasted pumpkin seeds

49. Mark Rothko paintings
50. taking pictures
51. Pierre Sparr pinot gris
52. road trips
53. roller skating
54. chocolate mousse
55. girl parties
56. Open Books
57. sparkling water with lime, made by Cindy
58. fudgesicles
59. handwritten letters
60. reading, for hours at a time
61. Paris

62. Gerhard Richter paintings
63. baths
64. the Ace Hotel in Portland
65. mittens
66. Andrea's blog
67. two-stepping
68. knitting
69. Ballard Sunday farmer's market
70. seeing movies in the theater
71. tulips
72. stuff that glows in the dark
73. getting my hair cut
74. avocado

75. Pam's ranch
76. lilacs
77. Bazooka Joe bubble gum
78. paella
79. old suitcases
80. New York City
81. cheeseburgers
82. Facebook
83. books on CD
84. my job
85. wintergreen lifesavers
86. slips
87. Mad Men
88. steak
89. my Moleskine agenda
90. matchboxes
91. sparkly Wellies
92. crepes
93. the Thin Man movies at Christmas time
94. slumber parties
95. Jane Hirschfield poems
96. fancy tea

97. water balloons
98. naps
99. rocks with wishing rings
100. my little nephews' baby smell

A Few Agenda Items for the Year of Bravery

Me as a lobster

My friend Kae has a tradition she takes part in with some old friends of hers, where every year they choose a word, one word, to describe the past year and one word to describe the new year. Being the word lover and New Year lover that I am, I love the idea of this tradition.

I've been thinking about it ever since she mentioned it before our trip to the hot springs. I still don't know what the word was for last year - The Year of Leaving, maybe? Let me know if you think of it for me. I did choose a word for 2008, though. Not too surprising that I went right for the future word, is it? I just can't get that future stuff out of my head. Anyway, it came to me right around the time I realized that if I wanted to actually get a chance to chat with Pam while we were hanging out at the hot springs, I was going to have to get into the pool they called the Lobster Pot. 110 degrees. The word I needed at that moment was Bravery. At the end of the year we can decide how well I did with this, but I'm liking it so far. I think the future word will work best if it's a word that will help me when I feel like I'm at a crossroads, sort-of a question I can ask myself.

In other future news, I've finally put together my list of 36 things to do before I turn 37. Last year, I fell in love with Andrea's list, and since she wrote a new one for her most recent birthday, I decided I needed to catch up.

It was interesting writing this - really hard to come up with that many. Is it cheating to have all that sock knitting on there? I don't care, I really do want to knit all those things and a lot more this year. I like knitting as a measure of time. The interesting thing about making the list this time was noticing that it made me feel like I'm already pretty content I with my life. I didn't feel like there were many things that I don't already do, nor did I feel like I needed a list to get myself to do things. Though there are some dreaded tasks on there, like teeth cleaning. Okay, it was also interesting to think about what I didn't want to put on the list, like the trips I want to take to Bora Bora and Iceland one day, or anything about, um, not being single for the rest of my life. Nope, those things just don't belong there right now. We're doing other things in 2008.

Anyway, here it is in all its glory. I do like having it, but more than that, I know that at the end of the year, I will like having it to look back on. I read a great interview the other day with Julie Christie, who I think I might want to be, and she quoted Sarah Polley saying "Memory is the way you make sense of love." I think memory is the way I make sense of everything. That's a big sentence, lots to think about there, but we'll leave that for the future.

1. Hold the twins
2. Stay at Ace Portland again
3. Make myself some more nice mittens for the work walk
4. Ride the Orbiter one more time before they close it down
5. Read the new translation of War & Peace
6. Read all of J.D. Salinger again
7. Walk 1,000 miles
8. Go back to buying a book of poetry a week
9. Blog a little about aforementioned poetry books
10. Get rid of unwanted books
11. Do something about the closets
12. Go to Tomales again
13. Learn how to use that feature on my camera associated with the little tulip icon
14. Make some financial goals
15. Eat at Nishino
16. Finish socks for Dad
17. Finish socks for Kirsten
18. Knit socks or Kristin (who also needs to be the target of a blog post this year, for sure!)
19. Knit socks for Regan (ditto the paranthetical item above)
20. Knit socks for the latest additions to our writing group
21. Knit shawl for Kate
22. Knit something special for Algene
23. Knit something special for Eugison
24. Take another ferry trip to Bainbridge
25. Get my teeth cleaned
26. Set up my writing stuff at home
27. Buy another piece of art
28. Frame another existing piece or two
29. Get back to the ranch for a picture with grown-up Liam
30. Get to Macleod Residence (or breakfast, or the yarn store) with HxB
31. Get Pam to Seattle, preferably for something completely frivolous
32. Take a secret trip that I can’t talk about here yet
33. Pick up the novel again. Just pick it up.
34. Take more writing risks
35. Take even more writing risks than that
36. Be brave

And that's gonna have to keep you kids busy for the weekend, cause guess what? I'm getting on a plane again tomorrow AM. It's a good thing they put out the New Yorker weekly.

XOXO
H

Potential Titles for Upcoming Blog Posts About the PDX

1. Susan and Heather's Most Romantical Weekend Ever
   
2. The Magical, Magical Night I Drank Old Fashioneds and Didn't Get a Headache
   
3. Cruise Ship on Dry Land
   
4. I Am Never Leaving This Block Again Ever
   
5. In Which Portland Raises Everyone's Self Esteem
   
6. I Should Have Done More Tongue Work On Mine
   
7. You Can Drink Your Latte in the Shower Here
8. Heather Learns Her Mac Keyboard Shortcuts From A Guy in the Lobby At 2:45 AM (open apple + shift + r!)
9. Harmonica On a String
10. Was That You Who Called Me At 2:28 AM?
11. How'd I Get That Scrape on My Belly?
12. What's The Name of It? Rite Aid.
13. Which Is Sweeter, Boots or Cupcake?
14. Tea Party in Room 318
15. Dr. Phil? It's Susan.

Things I Like to Take Pictures Of (part three)

The driftwood structures people build on the beach.
They make me think of being in love. I don't know why.
But I still like the thought, even when it is painfully cold outside.

Things (part three)

Hugo House graffiti - Hey! Check out Write-O-Rama this Saturday at the House, all day!

With the hounds in Creede, CO

Beach with kite, Ocean Shores, WA

Taylor in Sonoma, CA

At Pete's and Regan's rehearsal dinner, Whidbey Island, WA

Things I Like to Take Pictures Of (part two)

All those foot photos yesterday made me realize how often my toenails are painted red. Not right now, though. It's winter, and they are in handknit socks, healing from some harsh treatment they received over the summer. Those white plastic Marc Jacobs flats are all fun and games until someone spends three hours walking through the galleries of Chelsea. In retrospect, a taxi home would have been a good idea.

A taxi would have been a good idea on Monday night too. Or the bus even. But we've talked about this before, how if I get it in my head that I'm going to have my walk, it's pretty hard to deter me. That was Monday night.

That was the night it got dark before I left work, like it does these days, and then poured rain on me all the way from work to home. It was all very dramatic, with one of my hands (the one holding the phone) going numb from the cold, and my new black wool pants getting soaked to the knee, and the monorail looming and traffic lifting the dirty water from the gutters onto the sidewalks. Okay, I know the black wool pants are not that dramatic, but that does bring me to my next point.

Another thing I realized yesterday? I am no Tolstoy. No Virginia Woolf. Okay. I didn't actually realize that yesterday, I was just thinking about it more. It was the walk, which reminded me of those scenes Virginia does so well, where all the drama takes place in the mind of a character, just walking, running errands, contemplating a hat. I think of Tolstoy this way too, as being a master of the transformative small moment, though of course there's the whole War thing, that's pretty dramatic, I guess. Ha. Am I cracking you up yet?

I'm thinking about it though, thinking about the Tolstoy, the Woolf, what is underneath the veneer of "Fine." as an answer to the question about how your day was. I still don't feel like I have a way to talk about that walk home, how it was to be in the rain and cold after four bright days, how it felt melancholy and miserable and cranky and deep-down happy all at the same time.

I thought about how I might write that, not as a sentence with a bunch of adjectives, but as a long walk, with the short guy walking next to me, who said "I should be able to walk faster than you, I have longer legs", or the woman in the big white Escalade who made me cranky by pulling so far into the intersection that she blocked the crosswalk, and how when the walk signal went, she looked in her rearview mirror to try to pull back out of the intersection. There was no way, so instead, she rolled down her window, blinking hard against the rain and called to me "I'm sorry! I went too far!" I had just been thinking how dumb she and her Escalade were, especially after that last intersection, where for some incomprehensible reason, people were stopping at the red light, waiting a moment, and then just pulling right through. Somehow those other people made her seem even worse, until she apologized, and I found myself shrugging and just... not cranky anymore.


And P.S.? When I woke up this morning, my boots were still wet. I wore them anyway. I had to! They're the best for walking. And I wanted a walk. I had things to think about.

Things I Like to Take Pictures Of (part one)

My feet.In the sand, Dillon Beach, CA

In the woods, Ali's place, VT

In the hood, Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA

In the clogs, Ocean Shores, WA

In hot water, Lava Hot Springs, ID

In the fancy seats (sunburned), Willie's 4th of July, The Gorge, WA

In the Key, Seattle, WA

In the grass at Tami's, Sonoma CA

In the snow, Creede, CO

A Public Service Announcement

It's been foggy in Seattle the last two days. Something that sounds like a foghorn keeps sounding off, and something that sounds like a ferry keeps answering back. That's how things are right now - me, feeling my way into some new kind of life, and the way it's all mysterious and hazy only makes it more gorgeous.

Still, this isn't the easiest time of the year. I'll admit, it is a bit of an adjustment for me to be at a desk for the better part of 40 hours a week. I get up and make myself a cup of tea more than I should, probably. Right now, I wake up to a sunset over the water, and when I walk home at night, it's still light, but I know the days are getting shorter, and Mack Strong is not coming back. The Pacific Northwest dark is hard on a lot of people I love, though mostly I seem to manage okay. I've been thinking a lot about why that is, exactly, what gets me through these days. So, just in case you find yourself in need of a little anti-depressant, try out one from my list of faves:

- walking to work
- Paris style macaron cookies from Whole Foods, three blocks from the new office
- Leonard Weaver aka The Bishop
- those days where everything seems to be the color of a pumpkin
- clear plastic umbrellas
- the Get Joey To Australia show, and the whole story behind it
- the new Rilo Kiley album
- getting a latte from Josie at Old Ballard Fiore on Sunday
- skee ball at Kings Hardware, with Evan if you can manage it
- that Maldives song where they do the clapping thing (check them out this Monday at the High Dive)
- ANTM (most effective when taken in a double dose, with Susan)
- the Hugo House Lit Series (check it out November 12th)
- something handknit by someone who loves you (email me if I owe you)
- text messaging
- fresh eggs from the Farmers Market
- music from Kozy Shack, good stuff like Gospel Aretha
- the arboretum
- rubber chickens
- Sunday night two-stepping at the Hen
- photo booth photos
- my License to Ill, made by Hx B
- emails from Dave with top 5 lists
- wondering what your sister is going to name her twins
- and of course, coffee from two of my favorite human anti-depressants, Bobby and Andy, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings at Caffe Fiore on Queen Anne

Just one of the many amusing sights on my walk to work

In Which I Reveal The Secrets of Kate

Kate with her Godfather

As I was leaving the benefit party for Richard Hugo House last Thursday, I told Brian I would come back from my weekend away with Kate ready to reveal all her secrets. Would I go back on my word to Brian? Of course not.

So here we go:

• She didn't know the difference between landjaeger and lanyards before this weekend. She kinda still doesn't. But that won't stop her from eating landjaeger for breakfast.
  
• She once took a decoration off the wall of the bathroom at a certain Georgetown bar to examine it's prettiness, then panicked when she couldn't get it back on the wall. She did not, however, put it in her purse and take it home, though some people would have. Not our Kate.
  
• She is ready for some new pajamas.
• If you want to buy her a drink, try a Dark and Stormy, or a Godfather (scotch with a splash of amaretto).
• She's one of those people who actually genuinely likes her job. It's probably because she works at Hugo House with Brian, huh?
  
• She loves her poncho.
• She loves the Maldives. Somethin fierce. Keep that in mind if you're thinking about the drink buyin thing.
  
• She's an old soul in a pretty young package. The only thing that gives away her extreme youth is her lack of knowledge of the Willie Nelson albums of the 1970s.
• She is so charming that people find themselves wanting to give her things. All the time. Like free belts and bath fizzies.
• She's jonesin for some bath fizzies. Right now, probably.

Mmkay, that's all I'm gonna tell you. Though I might know some other things.

We bought Jessica an apple as big as her head, for a present. Cause we're nice like that.

Kate and I had a great time in the Skagit Valley this weekend. We made a new friend, Jessica, of Lucky Dumpster fame. Cause Kate's like that, she makes friends easily, which is apparent if you go anywhere with her, because she knows everyone. Sometimes I think I know a lot of people, but not like Kate. I think I just know a lot of people who know a lot of people. Like Kate, and Jay and the baristas.

Kate, me, Jess

Damn, I've had some good girl time lately. Road trip with Katherine, week with the writing women, Tami as my roommate and now Kate's Great Vacation. Good good stuff.

Remember Beer Beer? We were so excited about this find at the LaConner Pub.

Wish I was gonna get to see my seester for her birthday later this week. Whatcha got planned, Ali? I think you should get Euge to bring you some extra special takeout, then chill on the couch wearing a crown and watching girly stuff he wouldn't watch on any day other than your birthday. While he rubs your feet.